Healing

I had a talk with my coworker the other day. We always have deep conversations when we have lunch together on A Days. She asked me: Have you experienced death before? I explained to her that I have, but not someone this close to me. For the most part my dad and I would talk almost every day. He would always provide insight for me when I was deep in thought or worried about work, a guy, Hanna and so forth. He was my "go to" person. There is not a lot of, "go to people," in life. They are very limited. Back in December, which is always the hardest month for me, I remember telling him: Dad I do not understand men? He explained to me that he could only imagine that things were differently these days. He always had a story to tell. He stuck by my side as I had to fight for my divorce. It was hard having to tell my dad some of the things that I went through, because it was something I had held inside for quite some time. Last week, Spring Break, I went on my first real date in a long time. He was someone that was discovered through this new virtual app (I guess of dating for quartinine) I was nervous and did not tell a lot of people because it is not easy getting back in this experience. We went to eat and talked the entire time. What striked me about this guy was he was also a single dad and appeared to be kind. He went through a similar experience where he had to raise his daughter on his own. I shared with him some of my many experiences of that my daughter still sleeps with me because I was always so used to it being us. At the end of the night, he walked me to my car, and kissed. I did not think much of it, but then he said, "I only live a few minutes away- lets go back to my house." So many things crossed my mind at this time, but I stood my ground and said NO. We talked the next few days and then he disappeared. So when processing this with my friend, the truth came up and we obviously assumed all he wanted. I know that this was another blessing in disguise. I understand that the way sex is potrayed in our society and talked about, but so many people want more(communication). I feel I have to say this to many people because they do not get it. Dating seems to be a self confidence thing too because you have to learn rejection. Although, it is hard. It is sad that there are not many people that have values and care for others.