Truth

Sometimes it is important to take a step back and realize the truth in things and people. The kind of person I am, I have not always liked hearing or viewing the truth. This week I felt like I really had to face it again. As I am planning for a camping trip, that I scheduled as soon as I heard about it: I worked hard on sorting out the whole childcare issues. My daughter's dad, could truthfully care less about her. In his mind he focuses that I have full custody and get (minimum) child support. To him he feels that this displays being a father and sees her one day now other weekend. What hurts the most about all of this, is he has no feelings of remorse. He does not realize how hard it is to be a teacher, plus how I manage my other jobs. He does not see a lot of the pain he has caused and only what he wants. Lately I have been listening to specific songs that have touched me such as: "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me I love the lyrics such as: "Surrounded by Your glory/What will my heart feel." Truthfully I play this song when I wake up at my crazy hours in the morning or whenever I feel frustrated. This song was dedicated (by my moms former students) when my grandma passed away of cancer. This song also reminds me of her and how strong she was. She lived pretty much an entire decade without my grandpa. It reminded me of how strong I am and how much it is a process of healing and growth. Despite it being a pandemic, the truth is: I have seen good. This academic school year, I truly am honored by the students in my class. I also have reconnected with someone special/important to me from high school. I have had a roommate since September that brings me lots of laughs and we have fun and randomness together. I also am blessed with a wonderful best friend, who despite driving her crazy by my stubborness, she has taught me a lot. I write this because I might be what society or often times myself labels a "single mom," but I see it as more of a Super mom and as my daughter having the right influence. It is not an easy process though. It is a constant battle, but the truth of it all is to see the gratitude.