Wrapping Things Up

The last couple of days I have felt pain inside my heart. No one can understand this pain at times and is a process of passing through. I contacted a family friend who helped and sent me a mediation that allowed me to refocus and reenergize. I also went to a favorite spot of mine that has beautiful trees and is spiritual based. It is a hard process to think about the past of what has happened in my marriage. As we are finalizing the divorce decree, which has been a lengthy process, I just have been praying that it is over. It is a sense of grief because of failed expectations, failed love, failed time spent, failed tears, and failed caring. It is hard sometimes for people to understand. It was a lengthy process in terms of our marriage. Yes, he was not from here, and we had so much we had to do in terms of him and the process of him being here. Its not just that hurts. Its how I was hoping for someone I can easily talk to, laugh with, someone I could call when I had a bad day, or someone that would understand my goals. Its a walk to process the hurts I feel inside. It has made me encounter deep trust issues and feelings of being scared. I often have to pray and reflect on verses to ease my mind when the memories come back up. Although, at the same time, I hope I can help and reach others. Many people suffer in silence with their marriages or situations that are happening in their homes. I choose to end and break it. I pray though in my heart that I never have to go through something like this again. The biggest blessing is my daughter. I love how she laughs often and is strong in character. Yesterday as I picked her up from daycare the teacher told me how she caught her kissing and holding onto another boy. I did not get mad and had to laugh as she is two. I told her daycare teacher: "Does she have good taste at least?" The teacher and I laughed. I told this story to my dad and he told me, "Who taught her affection?" I was proud at that moment that is kind and loving. That she has a lot of my character.