Waiting

Waiting During this time of quarantine, it has been a time of patience for all of us. Waiting is not an easy task for me. I feel that I have had to wait, pray and reinforce all positive aspects. Some days in life are just hard. We pray, show gratification to God, do what we are supposed to, but there might be conflict that still arises. Today I finally received notice that on June 16, I will have my divorce hearing. I officially asked for the divorce back in October and filed at the end of the month or early November with the lawyer. Since he did not agree to it, it was pushed back and then we have Covid. There has been so many obstacles that have taken place. All I can say is divorce is not easy. It has lots of of emotions, money, pain on all areas, but at the same time: It has showed me that myself and my daughter can move on. Since last week she has had a hard time with daycare. Since I teach through distance learning I am luckily still allowed to take her to daycare. She has cried at school, said daddy, and had issues with eating. This is the first time I have seen her sad. Today, this happened again so I am doing my best to work on our night time routine. I have been praying that she finds peace amongst the confusion of figuring out the whole dad situation. She also has had some night terrors. Once again my emotions get hit. Being a single parent is HARD. You are a superhero trying to navigate raising a child and also hold your sanity with work and all situations. Her dad sees her once a week, if even for 8 to 9 hours. I try to manage my calendar the best I can. It's hard when people make comments to you telling you what is helpful and you are sometimes trying to survive. Thankfully, I am blessed with a positive and loving family, friends and a wonderful church. Money has been tight lately due to various situations that have taken place. Today, there was many blessings that took place. My church helped and bought us groceries. I was scared because my stimulus check was delayed and I am having to pay for various things. The wonderful friend from my church in her message wrote how much they loved us. That message spoke volume. Often in the day I am trying to navigate working from my normal weekly job, plus my side jobs, helping with my family, staying active with my church and raising and providing for my daughter.Such moments of love and peace remind me God is here. He has not left us through these hard times. He is there when I am praying or trying to hold back tears. He also reminds us that peace is possible. It does exist. Despite waiting for this divorce to finally be officially and the hardships of being a parent solo, I am so grateful to God. Through this, I have learned that true and loving people are around us. Also, that everyone deserves the best. I prayed about my marriage for so long. Finally starting this past summer, I told the Lord, I can't do this anymore. He loved me and understood.