Being Beautiful in God's Image

It has been almost a year since I have written in this journal. A lot has happened over this year and feel that it has helped me grow. This week in Bible Study we continue to read, "When You Pray" as it centered around the six prayers in the Bible. The verse in Psalm 139:14, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful, I know that full well," stood out to me this week. I mentioned in the study today that all people, pets and everything that God has created is beautiful in one way or another. We talked about art work and how God created us in the image He has wanted. I feel as time has progressed, God continues to show me such beauty. Being reminded of such beauty, has helped me to recenter myself to know that of all the beautiful kiddos I will be able to help in their journey to learning. I am thankful for despite the hardships for passing my test and starting the profession soon.

Focus on Jesus

It has been several months since I have written. I felt it would be better to write then hold my emotions/feelings in. It seems we are in a time where jobs are changing by limiting the amount of people to work and unfortunately people are having to make choices of looking for new careers or moving. I started a Bible study last month titled, "Speak It Until You See It" in which it involves writing three focused declarations. According to Dr. Ansonya L. Pace-Burke on page thirty three of the book she stated, "It's imperative to be intentional about declaring with your own mouth. You must learn how to speak to your issues and challenges commanding your way to freedom and a life of abundance that God has created you."


The ones I choose for my family and my own life are as follows:

1. I will be loving and nuturing for my family. This brings me to the verse from John 15:12: "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." We are so loved by our heavenly father in which He always forgives us from things we could lack or our sins. Also, it is imperative that our kids and in our marriage we demonstrate love in multiple ways such as through words, acts of service/actions, listening, physical touch, and gifts.

2. I walk in God's encouragement in work opportunities for my family. This relates to Philippians 4:12-13: "In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."
This is the hardest one for me right now because this past Friday I got my test results to my Diagnostican test and have failed it by three points. This pretty much equals out to one-three questions (for the most part). The test took me FIVE hours to take and it involves 90 multiple choice and one short response. When I had gotten to the testing site, they did not have my accomodations ready such as having a paper based test. Due to having my own learning needs, such as anxiety (Particulary GAD which means Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and having an attention issue I have to sit in a room by myself and do a paper based test with a pencil. After an hour of waiting, I was able to take the test on the computer since my choices were rescheduling it or taking it that day. I did have my pencil and notepaper for taking notes. I tried my best as I went through and marked out the answers to what I felt was wrong. Since I have to write a student report, it takes longer to grade our test. I did well on the writing portion of the test, it was just mostly in Domain I. I have cried a lot on Friday and on Sunday. I cried throughout the whole church service on Sunday. As my husband and I listened to the fill in pastor talk about Ephesians (the summer focus) my eyes were flooding with tears and my heart hurt. After the service with my husband said lets pray together, a random stranger came to talk to me. She tapped my back and said "I am not sure what you are going through, but I am glad you still made it to church today." She told me that she has too felt those same things and she has to remember to focus on Jesus. Through my watery eyes I was trying to see if I knew the lady: maybe she worked at my school or I have seen her around Hutto, but she was someone totally unfamilar. At first it startled me, but then it allowed me to refocus. My passion since I was a young kid has serving those that had different physical and mental learning needs. When I was in elementary school, I had the opportunity to work with students who were hearing imparied. As years passed, I had several occurences where I saw or interacted with different kids who could not speak or communicate throughly. Something that stood out to me is when I was in about middle school/high school my family and I were at a pool and this kid came up to me because they were so intrigued by the colors of my shirt. At the time I was wearing a bright, multicolored shirt with the pictures of the characters of "The Brady Bunch." Yes, lol, that was one of my favorite shows back in the day. The kid's mom apologized to me, but I said that it is fine. I always had a lot of patience and I felt blessed that a kid came up to me and felt comfortable enough to get that close. In my most recent years, I have had the amazing experience of working with ALE with PALS (mentor program I did). I made it a strong purpose to do activities such as crafts, games and other fun activities for students who typically felt left out of the typical setting. As I wait to still reach my goal, I hope to have the opportunity to be part of Special Education.

3. With God's goodness, I stand firm in wanting good health for my overall family. Jermiah 33:6 states, "Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security." As I end my writing on this one, health is so important to me. Why do I say this? I had to watch my dad with my own eyes pass away due to a heart condition that affected everything else in his body. Over the summer my aunt passed away unexpectedly at the sixty two. Due to the privacy of my family, I do not want to go into details. This really hit me hard because my aunt was a type of person that was always laughing and was so positive. We spent so much time together when I was a child and I valued the activities (waterparks, sleepovers) that I got a change to do with my cousin as my aunt took us to do these things. It is important to stand up for your family and friends and really help them make better choices in what they put into their bodies and for resting, good mental health, and having a positive outlook.

God’s Angel

Around two weeks ago, Hanna and I were in a car accident. I was yielding from a residental area where we live and that road deals with going into a highway in which people go around 55 mph. I remember that night before thinking of how the process of closing in on my house in San Antonio was coming to an end. I did not have any luck renting it out and due to the distant of where I live now had to sell it. This was the last visual thing my dad and I had planned out together. Also the last home I lived in where he would come to visit me. Despite closing that chapter of my life, it is hard to say goodbye. Needless, to go back to where my story started: the collision of myself and a truck resulted in Hanna's side of the vechile being completely messed up (referred to as beinf tboned). I had a hard time with the memories of her crying. The vechile did not seem to stop. The impact could have really hurt us as my whole back windshield broke and glass shattered everywhere. Thankful to God because not either of us were hurt but the glass did not touch her. I feel that it was an angel. Due to everything, the car was totaled with not much money back for the situation. I am thankful for the help of others: my neighbors in the area, my hubby, my family, and coworkers for that day.

I think God is constantly teaching me to slow down. And sometimes we are not good at things. In my case, I am not the greatest driver, but plan to work on my anxiety in this situation. Also I am so blessed despite the unexpected occurences in life. I have been happily married for half a year now. I am honored to be in a Godly marriage that continues to grow and challenge me (in a good way) in my walk of faith. This also will most likely be my last year of teaching as I graduated in December with my Masters. As much as I love my students, I know that it is time for me to move on. To grow in the Special Education field. Although, I feel I have had made an impact on these kids lives. ❤

October is In

This week has been one month since I have been married. The feeling of pure bliss continues to linger even on the days that may seem overwhelming. It has been a progress moving to a new town that is small in which I do not get to experience a nearby Dunkin Donuts in the area (such sadness). I will say I miss my church, friends, and understanding what is expected on a everyday basis. Although, this week, has made my heart shine. I have offically been married for a month. I love my hubby and everyday is exciting because of our love of life and of Gods blessings.

Moving and New Blessings

Over the last couple weeks, my fiance and I have been taking things back and forth to my new place of where I will live. You never realize how much you have until you move. Going through my things, made me realize I really need to purge more. Yesterday, he took a 6 by 12 cargo Uhaul trailer back to Hanna and I's new home (Yes, he is the best, but I am biased, lol). The process has been bitter sweet because of the journey Hanna and I had when we moved to this home. Before I had moved to where I am now, as some of my blog is about, was in a very unhappy and unhealthy marriage. Often times I lived in "denial" because I felt I was going to be judged and when I commit to something or someone I give it my all. Upon moving here, I had asked my ex-husband for a divorce, having no idea where my life would be headed. Before getting a lot of the furniture, I often slept on the floor or a air mattress because I was pretty in the negative balance as terms as money was concerned. The bed I had here, my fiance broke apart so that we could give to someone else (since it is really hard to sell things in San Antonio). The frame along with the headboard I put by the dumpster and posted on the local Neighborhood application along with some of Hanna's things because lol I have done a lot of "donation" trips. Going back to my once room, there was still the green tape down on the floor that my dad had labeled and mapped out because of the space to where my bed should put. I am not very good EVER with measurements or Math, but my dad had put the area to when they come to set up my bed, where it should go. Along with this, I found one of Hanna's baby bottles as we moved here shortly after she turned one. Many of these memories will remain in my heart because even though I was blessed upon moving to where I have lived for the last almost three years, I was in a dark place for sometime.

. My best friend Andrea would always remind me of the famous Jermiah verse because she always knew God had way better plans then what I was living. Which is kind of cute and funny when I reflect on this, because I still recall this is the verse that my fiance put on his profile, when I discovered him. I think God has a sense of humor. During this process of moving it has reminded me (once again) to not buy or that I need to somehow get so many things I do not need. I was thankful in the process of moving, I had the opportunity to bless others with some of the items I do not need anymore. This was my first own real home and also the last thing that my dad and I did together. We worked together as I told him I wanted to do the downstairs watermelon colors (pink and green) and the upstairs under the water (so blues) since I love swimming, dolphins and anything water related. I have had to do it in segments because it is a process and its a new step, but a happy one. I hope this blog will inspire others in various ways such as there is always hope and God really has our best life in mind despite what we might go through. Lastly, real love, can be experienced, and joy. Others might have their own opinions or you might be hiding in your own pain, but it is okay (as I dealt with my ex) to walk away from painful things. You always want to set a good example and the best example for your kids and life. Also, God always has your best interest at heart.

Engagement

Last Thursday, offically one week ago from today I got engaged. This is a moment I have waited a long time for and feel as though I dreamed about. Over the years, I have watched numerous family members, loved ones and friends get married and start families. Sometimes though some people I know have had different outcomes and not always the ones also as expected. Such as having to deal with health issues, not being able to having children for various reasons or maybe their partner not exactly being the person they were supposed to be. For a long time I prayed for God to bring me someone, in my heart hoping this person would love and care for my daughter, be a man of God, motivated, fun, but also someone who I also could enjoy having a family together (them having their own children and also having one together). I was told by a pastor of my church last year a conversation that has always stayed with me: Write your requests down (why I love prayer journals) and see what God can do. He really got me to think deeply about this and I also stopped putting so much pressure on myself and letting things go. My future husband, by far, not only meets all the items I have dreamed/wrote down about, but is even a greater gift from God because of all his additional skills, personality and his love and kindness. When I first came across his profile (yes I will reveal I met him on a Christian based dating site) that I still remember the feeling (of joy or you could say the Holy Spirit that came over me) when I saw him and his two children. I specifically remember praying to God that night and saying: "Please God let this guy respond." I will never forgot that evening. Over the last few months, it has been such a continued blessing. I have seen God first hand in our relationship and with now entering marriage. Also, it is one thing to love someone else and to feel loved, but it is a even bigger blessing his beautiful children and the love/compassion I feel/show for them. My best friend since high school would always tell me to let go and how God would work things out. She also always has been patient with me and has listened to my heart and knew God had so much in store for me. When I got proposed to: all the things he said and did were so beautiful. I am so excited for our engagement and it still feels like a dream.

Not Being Labeled

Recently as of last night, I finished watching the film produced in 2020 called, "Words on Bathroom Walls," in which a young student has the mental illness known as schizophrenia. Some of the scenes had some interesting graphics and perspections of how public/private school handles these type of situations and what to do for people/students who struggle and have this. The end of the movie was rather touching (yes, tears came from my eyes) because he knew it really would not fully go away. Also, the priest in the movie, helped him realize he could overcome anything. Today as we finished up our recent series in church, my pastor spoke of our identity and how it is formed. Some of the things mentioned is having God's word and also important leaders. It is these leaders that help us establish who we are today. In the sense of the movie, "Words on Bathroom Walls," it was the priest at the private school he ended up going to and also his mom that made a difference in his life. I know many of my posts often reflect back on my career in teaching, but this year has to be one of the most difficult ones, in the sense of the various issues present. Due to ongoing illnesses of staff having COVID and the different behaviors of the students, we are short staffed. Everyday, teachers in general, but more or less, teachers of my school are not sure what they are "walking into." This past week, due to the changes of weather and stress of everything, I had more of a reaction in terms of my skin due to battling some of the stress. On Friday I remember thinking (again) to myself: "I am not sure how much longer I can do this." I was thankful to spend Friday and Saturday talking with people who have been a positive influence in my life. Yesterday, or Saturday, as I went to the thrift store to get more cotton based clothing/roomy clothing as recommended by the school nurse, in order for my skin to heal: I came across one of my students. This particular student got put in my class several weeks after school started. Due to privacy, I will not give out a lot of information, but has improved a lot despite her "labels" or learning related issues. As I was in line at the store, trying to get my toddler's attention, she came up excitely to tell me, "Hi." A wave came over me because I know this school year will continue to be crazy. Some of these issues we deal with are not easy to resolve. Although, seeing this student (of all places, lol, the thrift store) reminded me that I make and continue to make a difference in their lives. Her face light up as she greeted me. What does this mean? We might be labeled as things often determined or given by society, but have to reminded that God sees us all as equal. WE ALL ARE ONE. Also, it is important to let the past go and the things that discouraged us. Those things are not valid and should not be present in our life.