Showing Love

This Friday, October 1, 2021 would have been my dad's seventy fourth birthday. He was a guy who was not always big on gifts and often I would find the gift stashed away in a drawer with all his other goodies. I remember asking him, "Dad have you used the gift?" Often, he would completely avoid the subject or say how grateful he was. I also knew he was so busy working and did not take the time out to look at what was given. A few months ago, my mom and I were going through all his things hidden away in his office. It was there that I found the Fitbit I had given him to hopefully better monitor his irregularity of his heart. Instead of trying to resale the watch (which you know people can be very cheap to purchasing items) so I decided to give the watch to a friend that meant a lot to me at church. I wanted to give it to someone that was important to me. My hardworking dad was not always focused on "items" and our time consisted of sitting and talking to each other. These are the conversations I like to think of when I feel the moments of grief come on. My dad did the best he could as a parent to me over the years and what he taught me I will never forget. Sometimes we can make parenting harder than it seems. It is something that is not always easy and for me it never has been a simple journey. This week, since I have the week off from grad school, I was able to breathe and reflect more on the beautiful moments experienced. My very rambunctious toddler, who is three, last night was amused by the simplicity of My Little Pony items in her bathtub. As I monitored her splashing around in the tub, she was having tons of conversations with such horses. As a full-time working teacher, grad student, single mom and someone who always tries to help others: I tend to overthink things or get swept aside by the busyness I do not pause. All my daughter Hanna wants is to have a good time, needing that love and reassurance, and of course having quality time. As I reflect on this and think of all the chaos that is being done at the schools right now: Are these students shown love at home? Is getting negative attention to them better than not getting anything at all? Today or on a daily basis, I try to do my best to go around the classroom and not just better help the students with their reading and writing skills but show them they matter. This can be done by simple things such as having a conversation of their day, reading with them, or helping them with writing something such as (currently) their personal narrative. I have had students come give me a hug at various times of the day and in such as difficult school year, it has also really made my day. Lastly, as I reflect on parenting and showing love: each person needs it a certain way and does it differently. My dad was all about helping me with various things such as around the house or with my car. This week, when my air conditioner stopped working, I wish I could have picked up the phone and called him to ask him: "Dad, what do I do?" His guidance on many things was a sense of comfort and peace. I feel our parents always have a good intuition of us and know what is best. My dad might not have always been "perfect" but in the essence of time, I have come to conclusion he always loved me and always expressed "tough love." Sometimes this is the love I must show to my little daughter Hanna because I care for her so much. There are times when it is hard because I do not have a lot of time to myself (sleeping, haha, even if that happens), but I must remember the moments I have with her are to be treasured. Before my dad passed, he told me to always make sure to spend time with Hanna. He knew that I was sometimes bombarded by all the other factors in life. Love can be shown in the simplest things. To my daughter Hanna, sitting watching a movie while eating popcorn with her, brings her joy.